Yesterday I was pretty down, blue, whatever word fits best. It may have been left over emotional residue from the night before. It probably had a lot to do with my energy level. I drank coffee for the first time in a long while, thinking it would give me both a boost in terms of energy and happiness. It didn't. I sort of gave up hopes of not feeling utterly cheerless.
Before I went to bed, I decided to pull out a small book of Zen quotes. I wrote these on my mirrors:
"The blue mountain bordering the sea does not move, but the mind of the bird over the waves breaks free and follows the course of the river." -Master Daishi
I love the reminder that it's not physical location, surroundings or circumstances that matters or creates freedom--it's mindset.
"What was your face before the birth of your parents?" -Koan
Then I meditated. Sitting there in the darkness, a series of thoughts flashed through my mind as I watched. "Listen to the stories of the universe." I wrote that on my mirror too. I'm not very good at listening. I'm good at talking, but not skilled. I just tend to interrupt, speak out, respond to questions not directed at me, etc quite a bit. I don't mean to, or think about it, but it just seems to flow out of me (particularly when I have energy). I wonder at times how other people can stand me at all. My goal today is to create love and touch existence by listening to it. Whether its classmates, playful squirrels, friends, weather patterns--I just want to pay attention. Marvel. Appreciate. Understand, not speak. That doesn't mean I'm going to be mute all day, or even remember to pay attention. It just means today I'll be putting in extra effort.
By the end of meditation last night, and after a cup of soothing tea, I felt amazing. At peace. Happy. Content. Different. I woke this morning ready to listen.
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