28 February 2010

26 February 2010

(Tidbits) From 55 Ways to Get More Energy [Zen Habits]

Work with your body’s clock.
 There is a natural ebb and flow of energy throughout the day. We start off sluggish after waking up, even after a solid 8 hours of sleep. Our energy peaks mid-morning, and it’s natural to want a siesta in the afternoon. We get a second spike of energy in the early evening, followed by our lowest energy point just before bedtime. Once you understand this natural rhythm of energy throughout the day, you can work on the important tasks during your peak hours and avoid early afternoon snoozefests (meetings).

Enjoy a cup of tea.
In a recent study, University College London researchers noted that drinking a cup of tea 4-6 time a day reduces stress hormone levels in your body. The study’s results suggest “drinking black tea may speed up our recovery from the daily stresses in life.”

Turn off the Internet and go socialize with friends. Humans are social animals, and we need regular socializing to keep ourselves in peak health and energy.

Nameless Spirit by Gustavo Adolfo Becquer

Nameless spirit,
indefinable essance,
I live with the formless
life of idea.

I swim in the void,
I quiver in the bonfire of teh sun,
I palpitate among the shadows
and I float with the mists.

I am the gold braid
of the distant star;
I am the lukewarm, serene light
of the high moon.

I am the burning cloud
that undulates in the west:
I am the luminous wake
of the wandering star.

A Pine is Standing Lonely by Heinrich Heine

Translated by Hal Draper

A pine is standing lonely
In the North on a bare plateau.
He sleeps; a bright white blanket
Enshrouds him in ice and snow.

He's dreaming of a palm tree
Far away in the Eastern land
Lonely and silently mourning
On a sunburnt rocky strand.

(I totally feel like this pine tree).

For my friends frustrated with our electronic lives

21 February 2010

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.

Marcel Proust

19 February 2010

I wish I could find the words written down somewhere.

18 February 2010

Not allowed to love?

I'm so frustrated right now. Chelsi told me about meeting with LB and DeanC today, and how they told her that she "can't be in a relationship with a girl or act on her homosexual feelings" while at Union. They also brought her up to the board. I'm assuming she's not the exception, and that this new "ruling" (for lack of a better term) applies to the rest of us queer students.

I feel like I've been respectful of Union and now they are definitely not respecting me back. I've understood decisions and discussions from the past, such as Chelsi and I not touching on campus while we were dating. However, now dictating who we are allowed to love and who we aren't? I'm having a very hard time understanding this.

Although I was already seriously considering transferring to another school, this cemented the decision. Now just to figure out where and what. As I research my options I also need to work out within myself how I'm feeling about these recent developments. I'm very resentful, hurt and upset--not a healthy place to be. Even if I don't agree with their decisions or actions, I need to (but not necessarily want to) understand why they are doing this and how I can eliminate this bitterness.

On one hand, I completely understand that orientation is a tricky subject at an Adventist institute and that they can't condone alternative orientations right now. I'm not Adventist or Christian, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't respect Adventists or Adventism--especially if I'm choosing to be on their campus. However, I feel they have gone much too far. It doesn't feel like weighing needs and publics anymore, instead it feels like discrimination. I don't believe any of the parties involved are doing this out of maliciousness, and they must have thought they had a great reasoning for what they're doing. But that doesn't make it okay. It does mean, however, that I have a lot of work to do with my own emotions and feelings toward Union as an administrative institution.

I wish I was on boulder (safely) overlooking a waterfall. I would scream like a million needled words and feelings were thrusting holes into my soul. Because they are. And I don't even care if that was a cheesy (unintentional) rhyme.

/end rant.

17 February 2010

Crises continued (more like options)

UNL has a women's and gender studies program that I hear is very solid. They also offer a minor in human rights. Out of state tuition is still lower than Union's rates (as long as I lived off UNL's campus), but it'd be even more appealing if I could figure out a way to gain residency. Apparently you have to live in Nebraska for 12 months (and not be here for higher education).

"Majors can pursue 2 routes. Option A requires 36 hours. Option B requires 30 hours plus 18 hours in a related minor to be determined in consultation with a WGS advisor."

Assuming all of my general education credits transfer, I would need to take 48 credits to graduate. If I took 16 credits each semester, I could graduate in three semesters--that's one semester longer than I planned at being at Union. For some reason, I envisioned starting the four-year journey from the very beginning if I transferred (which is one of the reasons why I've readily dismissed it in the past). If it only takes one semester more, is cheaper than Union, is in an atmosphere I find stimulating, and I'm meeting people who are more like-minded (or at least open minded), excited and engaged in each course, and ending with a major that let's me make a significant difference--what's holding me back?

My mind isn't made up on going, but it is definitely made up on pursing this option. I need more information. And I need to stop looking this stuff up and go to bed.

3/4 College-Life Crises (yes, this again)

Sociology. No matter the context, I keep thinking about it. Social construct. It's everywhere (mostly because I'm inside of it). Fitt's World Lit, I always spin the wheel on Sociology. Conflict and Peacemaking, I relate every article or paper to concepts like Structural Violence and the Trope of Marginality. Public Relations, I learn about (aka, pay attention to) the way humans relate in a crises or react toward persuasion. Reporting, understanding the best ways to approach people, make them feel comfortable with body positioning, draw out conversation from them.

Social psychology. I can't get enough of it. Those parts of my classes, I love. The rest, I very nearly hate. While sitting in classes, I wonder about why everyone does everything (okay, not just in class). I develop (not so) silly theories about how writing utensil and shoe choices reflect personality and priorities. Maybe everyone does that. Maybe it's just common curiosity. Or maybe curiosity, even the common type, shouldn't be so easily written off.

16 February 2010


Lines I love from Andrea Gibson's "Yes"

"so this is for the day we'll quit or jobs and work for something real

we'll feel for sunshine in the shadows
look for sunrays in the shade

15 February 2010

I want to dream this poem too

Frank Sinatra by Katie Wirsing

The L Word (disconnected)

The wail echoes loneliness
(for loneliness is not my own
or yours--despite how deeply
in penetrates our souls).

14 February 2010

I need a cigarette break. I need a clear head, thrust far from the haze of hot drinks and plastic laughter. I tried stepping outside, but feel vulnerable without a protective smoke stick between my fingers. I don't know what else to do but stop working on my long-over-due paper and try something else. I just wish "something else" involved smoke breaks.

Mad World by Alex Parks

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow


Yahoo's horoscope service apparently has my week already planned out for me.

"You might have a hard time trusting others on Monday, and you should pay heed to that hesitance. Risks right now probably won't pay off, and you need to watch out for your own priorities. On Tuesday and Wednesday, make people plans. You'll be energized by socializing, and you'll learn a lot by mixing up ideas and activities with likeminded people. On Thursday and Friday, forge ahead on your own plans and don't get distracted -- especially by anyone who's just looking to get a rise out of you for their own entertainment. This weekend, don't go solo. You'll have the best time if you can team up with friends -- and the crazier your plans, the better."

Someday Soon by KT Tunstall

I think it's time to put myself away
Seek out a little silence
Close the doors and sit a while
Walk a little

And as I put my words away
The flow slows
See this pen in a stream
Picking it up is easy.

Follow the shape of it.
Jump in.
Swallow it whole.
Jump in.

people are beautiful

I'm in the Haymarket attempting to tackle an ocean of homework. I rode down with Michael for Ivanna Cone adventures with he and the lesbies (I ate Chipotle while they chowed down on delightful looking breakfast cones). My plan to was to study in Crescent Moon until Chelsi comes to pick me up tonight at curfew.


Today is difficult. I just want a cigarette. In one more week I'm going to buy a houseplant to reward myself for making it one month. It will represent health: for the environment, for my body, for the state of my soul (peace of mind).

13 February 2010

Simply epic

matthew shepard martyr magic or (msm)m by Sam Sax

before they pen your name into law
and erase the last byrd on earth
i hear you were a boy.

though their throats often cast
childhood like faggot into

those 22 years of dying
could be called experience.

We Are the World (today and 25 years ago)

For Haiti

For Africa

12 February 2010

I feel like I haven't been able to sleep properly in over a week. I'm so tired. But I can't fall asleep. I wake before my alarm does. Naps are not a possibility. Today: Everything is slightly dream-like, and I cannot write words on a page necessary to pass classes. I feel no purpose. Drive. Energy. Reason for doing anything, except staring at the walls or scenes flashing by on a television show. I'm not depressed. But I'm not full of golden beams of inspirational peace. I feel lost. I need to get out of my room, but no where sounds interesting enough to go. Piles of drab snow build cobwebs around my soul. I don't care about anything. Except falling sleep.


I'm an addict.
I didn't know if I could come up here and say these words.
I'm addicted to flirting.

11 February 2010

Fishies :-)

Claudia hooked me up with three lovely guppies (I think that's what they are called) and a slew of snails. I'm very excited! I've been trying to think of what to name the fish (The Three Musketeers seemed to glorify violence too much for my taste). Although I don't believe in the traditional, literal implications of Buddhist mythology, I'm completely intrigued by mythology in general. When it comes to Buddhist mythology, it is very easy for me to transfer their words of a literal spiritual presence into a metaphor for what the particular bodhisattva represents. I also believe in the power of our choices, and what sort of energy we choose to put out into the world.

With this in mind, when I found the name Tara I was pretty excited.

09 February 2010

Sunlight for the soul--forget chicken soup

Something I need:

(from post secret)

And something I like: 

(Andrea Gibson)

08 February 2010

For her

A few lines taken from Andrea Gibson's Photograph.

"I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight
I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking
I hope your lungs are open and breathing your life
I hope there's a kite in your hand
that's flying all the way up to orion
and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out
I hope you're smiling
like god is pulling at the corners of your mouth
cause I might be naked and lonely
shaking branches for bones
but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met."

Birthday by Andrea Gibson

At 12 years old I started bleeding with the moon
and beating up boys who dreamed of becoming astronauts.
I fought with my knuckles white as stars,
and left bruises the shape of Salem.
There are things we know by heart,
and things we don't.

06 February 2010

Everybody's Got a Story by Amanda Marshall

You walk up to me and say
"Feel like I know you baby"
And then take a sip of your cherry coke now
Now who drinks a cherry coke?
Maybe you're nervous, I see that bead of sweat
Dancin' on your cheek
Your words are like cheap champagne
I get the point but it's much too sweet

I'm so tired of the dance
This carousel of superficial conversation
Gets me nowhere...

04 February 2010

Oh dear January (and yes, I know it's finally February)

My cousin posted this on facebook: 60 percent of couples break up in January. She said she looked it up and that it's a true fact. I can see how it might be. Seems like everybody's breakin' up (is that a line from a song?).

I'm excited for spring.

1 week, 4 days.

Today was my second time meeting with Stan (he works at Union and one of the many things he does is help people quit smoking). It was my first time meeting by myself, which was more awkward than when Chelsi and I met. When there's more than two people, you don't have to hold direct eye contact for so long, and if you don't hold eye contact then where do you look? I think I've just been slightly socially awkward most of the day--sometimes I just have really off-kilter days.

He gave me a packet called "If you decide to quit smoking: a guide to resources and information that can help you succeed." The first half wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, or just didn't apply to me. I'm not going to consider my child's health or anything like that. When I got page thirteen, however, I found something that would be helpful.

"Talk to friends, family, and coworkers about why you want to quit, and how important it is to you. One way they might help is by encouraging notes: "I'm so proud of you for not smoking." "I know you can do it." Post the notes in places you usually."

I think that would be awesome. I saved the text message from Nikki she sent forever ago encouraging me not to smoke. It's helped me out quite a few times. But how do I begin that conversation?

"Hi, I'm a smoker. Can you please write me notes?" Yeah, probably not so much. I'm not sure I should keep reading this packet, however helpful that one section was. Talking about quitting smoking makes me think about smoking, which...makes me think about smoking. Maybe if it wasn't a million pages it wouldn't be so bad. Or mention the word "smoking" a million times per paragraph. Aughh.

But on a happy note--today's snowfall was beautiful. Clean. Beautiful. Like my lungs will be. Hopefully not as flakey though. That would just be awkward.

02 February 2010

Imbolc, Brigit Day, Cross-Quarter, Candlemas...

From my friend Kris' status update:

Have a blessed Imbolc. Today we honor (or think about) Brigit, the Gaelic goddess of poetry, healing and smithcraft. "Fire and purification are an important aspect of this festival. As both goddess and saint she is also associated with holy wells, sacred flames, and healing. The lighting of candles and fires represents the return of warmth and the increasing power of the Sun over the coming months."

From Wikipedia:

Imbolc is one of the four principal festivals of the Celtic calendar, celebrated among Gaelic peoples and some other Celtic cultures, either at the beginning of February or at the first local signs of Spring. Most commonly it is celebrated on February 1 (or February 12, according to the Old Calendar), which falls (three days before) midway between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox in the northern hemisphere. Perhaps originally dedicated to the goddess Brigid, in the Christian period it was adopted as St Brigid's Day. In Scotland the festival is also known as Là Fhèill Brìghde, in Ireland as Lá Fhéile Bríde, and in Wales as Gŵyl y Canhwyllau.

Imbolc is traditionally a time of weather prognostication, and the old tradition of watching to see if serpents or badgers came from their winter dens is perhaps a precursor to the Northern American Groundhog Day. A Scottish Gaelic proverb about the day is:

Thig an nathair as an toll
Là donn Brìde,
Ged robh trì troighean dhen t-sneachd
Air leac an làir.

"The serpent will come from the hole
On the brown Day of Bride,
Though there should be three feet of snow
On the flat surface of the ground."

Fire and purification are an important aspect of this festival. Brigid (also known as Brighid, Bríde, Brigit, Brìd) is the Gaelic goddess of poetry, healing and smithcraft. As both goddess and saint she is also associated with holy wells, sacred flames, and healing. The lighting of candles and fires represents the return of warmth and the increasing power of the Sun over the coming months.

Although I don't believe in the divinity of Brigit, mythology fascinates me. I'm also interested in using various gods, goddesses, etc as metaphors for what they embody or represent. I'm not the only one who does that, as apparently Einstein too with the Christian god. Today I'm going to focus on the return of warmth and spring (it will come back some day). I'll also keep my mind open to poetry and opportunities for healing--whether of my own soul or getting tissues for someone else's sniffles.

01 February 2010

A Peaceable Kin-dom

This is beautiful. Amazing. As soon as I began reading it silently I had to switch to audible. I even sang parts.

A Peaceable Kin-dom
By Jared Wright
The following poem was performed at La Sierra University Church’s Friday night worship service, First Service.

In Santa Monica where the sea slaps the sand
I met an old war vet with a sign in his hand
And it said
Power to the Peaceful
Power to the Peaceful
He said he served his country in the Vietnam War
He said he can’t support this country and its killing no more
And he said
Power to the Peaceful
Power to the Peaceful


Tomorrow I'm supposed to bring in lyrics to be analyzed in Conflict and Peacemaking class. I'm so awful at making decisions, especially when it won't be my turn again till April. Right now I'm trying to decide between:

Andrea Gibson's Blue Blanket*
Andrea Gibson's Dive*
Lily Allen's LDN
Lily Allen's Kabul Shit
Lily Allen's 22
Derek Webbs' What Matters More

I'm sure there will even more to add to this list. I wish someone was around to help me narrow it down. Chelsi has her first basketball game, Kaity's in class, Michael's not online, TD's in class...what's this whole being busy business? Don't they know this is pretty much the most important decision ever? Yeah, it's not. So I should stop worrying about it and maybe play iny-meeny-miny-moe. I'll probably go with Dive.