Find Yourself

My friend Kelly is amazing. She compiled some already-created images with some newly-created (or tweaked) ones and produced this:

Epic!

I want to see clearly

These last two days have been so incredibly soul enriching. The conversations I've had have been stimulating, comforting, and rejuvenating. It's just been a very happy two days, despite being incredibly tired yesterday. I've had pretty bad insomnia, then Tuesday night I got 2.5 hours of sleep. Adding that previous nights of insufficient sleep made Wednesday seem hazy and potentially terrible. The beautiful conversations, both yesterday and today, completely made up for it.

And tonight when I got back from dumpster diving (no, we didn't find anything) I talked with a near-stranger and learned about social work for an extensive amount of time. Then Kelly, TD and I went back to my room and fingerpainted to a jazz record. It was lovely and silly--my two favorites. We wanted to take pictures, but all of our hands were ridiculously wet with paint. Kelly and I used our combined mad skill and arms to twist the doorknob open without using our fingers, and we all traipsed out into the hall in hopes of finding someone to take our picture. Luckily someone was walking out in the hall, and we asked them to pretty please take our picture. We took lots of goofy ones before washing the colors down the sink (well our Good Samaritan dorm-mate took the pictures).

They didn't save. My memory card had been stuck in the side of my computer the entire time. Normally I would say FAIL without thinking, but what's so fail about it? We had an amazing time that we can still remember, even if pictures would have enhanced that process. But lack of enhancement is not the same as negation.

Mr. Blake, relaying a story he heard once, grabbed a blank piece of paper and put a dot in the very center with a pen. He held it up for the rest of our Conflict and Peacemaking class to see. "What do you see?" he asked. Most people will look, zero in on the center of the paper and say "a dot." Yet the dot is only 2% of the page--the remaining 98% of the page is blank space. Similarly, it seems we're so prone to negate the positive with tunnel vision and concentration on the negative. And that seems like a silly, not-so-good-for-the-soul-or-society way to go about life. I want to stop living like that. Not just feel happy or positive, but intentionally see the happy and positive. That doesn't mean ignoring the fact that bad things exist, but seeing it as a part rather than the whole. Also deciding which (the good or the bad) is more important to spend time on and with.

So, dear happy events--I love you. How beautiful these last few days have been.

What do you live for?

A friend and classmate of mine makes beautiful collages. Below is one of my favorites:

Inside

I took a silly facebook quiz titled What is Your Inner Self? It told me I was the Universal Person:

You are a perfect balance of everything. You've gone through a fair share of things and you are able to put yourself in other peoples shoes. You are caring and understanding. You are fun and warm to be around. You tend to help people. You know what it is like to be at an all time low and you know how to deal with things. You consider all of your friends to be good friends. You are kinda like the Goldilocks of personalities. The things you do are practical, but sensitive to whom it would affect. You are at ease with yourself, and have spent a good deal of time finding yourself, and now that you have, you've finally bloomed into something beautiful. Thanks for taking this quiz, I hope you enjoyed it.

I'm certainly not the balance of everything, but thanks for saying so Quiz Creator. Most of the result was generalities, and probably too nice, but the part I bolded made me very happy. The first two parts are very true, and I hope I'm blooming into something beautiful. I hope I always continue blooming and becoming, even on the day my body breaks down and returns to the earth.

Photos of things (and people) that make me smile

Soon I'm going to start posting a picture a day of something that makes me smile in a separate picture blog. I came up with the idea yesterday, and promised Todd I would send him a picture of something that made me happy. He sent me a picture (which made me want to chant go KU! or something like that), but I didn't live up to my end of the bargain. I planned to send two pictures today to make up for it, but ended up taking more than that. I was coming back from lunch in the caf, and couldn't help but play outside. In an hour, I'm going down to the Haymarket for a field trip with my Conflict and Peacemaking class. I have a feeling more pictures will be taken :-)

This is Kelly. She's a beautiful soul, fantastic friend, talented co-worker and editor of Campus Conversations. I caught her as she was making the rounds around campus to distribute CC.

The sight of a someone lying, perfectly warm,
in a hammock three feet from melting snow
made me happy.
I felt like a creeper, but
decided to walk up
and ask if I could
take some pictures.

Luckily it turned out to be my friend Jordan, so it wasn't too weird.

Campus in spring, I hope this isn't just a tease. I want the rest of the snow to disappear so I can start taking naps on (non-muddy) flourishing grass.

This bicycle drowning in snow doesn't make me smile. Knowing spring will melt away its icy prison soon does :-) Plus, it looks like a rad old bike.

"That's What Makes Them Pirates!" advertising. My favorite is the pi and rate signs drawn on a different sidewalk.

Science and Buddhism/Meditation

 I found this excerpt about an article dealing with the interactions of the right and left side of the brain on The Buddhist Blog:

Enlightenment has been described in many ways, but what is common to most descriptions of enlightenment is a change in the sense of ‘self,’ and a sensation of a release from suffering. An enlightened person is said to no longer identify with herself as the individual she once was. She is also said to no longer experience negative thoughts.

Our feeling part of our Self is located in the limbic system, in this case the amygdala. In most people, the left side feels pleasure or positive emotions, and the right side experiences negative emotions. In each case, the right (positive) and left (negative) components are synaptically ‘wired’ to each other. Thoughts and emotions are communicated back and forth between both sides of the the brain along the synapses. Now here is where meditation impacts these processes. Most meditative practices involve techniques to de-emphasize, defuse or reduce negative thoughts. Over the long term, what this means in the brain is that the transmission of electrical impulses into both the right side (negative) of both the amygdala and hippocampus is reduced. Fewer negative feelings and thoughts, less activity along those pathways.

Published studies support the idea that long term meditation works by ‘starving’ the brain of negative emotions and expectations. So meditation not only trains us not to respond as intensely and frequently to negative thoughts and emotions, it also causes an ‘atrophying’ of our brain’s ability to process those thoughts and emotions. But the caveat here, is that it takes a lot of consistent practice over the long term.

Calvin and Hobbes

(Tidbits) From 55 Ways to Get More Energy [Zen Habits]

Work with your body’s clock.
 There is a natural ebb and flow of energy throughout the day. We start off sluggish after waking up, even after a solid 8 hours of sleep. Our energy peaks mid-morning, and it’s natural to want a siesta in the afternoon. We get a second spike of energy in the early evening, followed by our lowest energy point just before bedtime. Once you understand this natural rhythm of energy throughout the day, you can work on the important tasks during your peak hours and avoid early afternoon snoozefests (meetings).

Enjoy a cup of tea.
In a recent study, University College London researchers noted that drinking a cup of tea 4-6 time a day reduces stress hormone levels in your body. The study’s results suggest “drinking black tea may speed up our recovery from the daily stresses in life.”

Socialize.
Turn off the Internet and go socialize with friends. Humans are social animals, and we need regular socializing to keep ourselves in peak health and energy.

3/4 College-Life Crises (yes, this again)

Sociology. No matter the context, I keep thinking about it. Social construct. It's everywhere (mostly because I'm inside of it). Fitt's World Lit, I always spin the wheel on Sociology. Conflict and Peacemaking, I relate every article or paper to concepts like Structural Violence and the Trope of Marginality. Public Relations, I learn about (aka, pay attention to) the way humans relate in a crises or react toward persuasion. Reporting, understanding the best ways to approach people, make them feel comfortable with body positioning, draw out conversation from them.

Social psychology. I can't get enough of it. Those parts of my classes, I love. The rest, I very nearly hate. While sitting in classes, I wonder about why everyone does everything (okay, not just in class). I develop (not so) silly theories about how writing utensil and shoe choices reflect personality and priorities. Maybe everyone does that. Maybe it's just common curiosity. Or maybe curiosity, even the common type, shouldn't be so easily written off.

Mad World by Alex Parks

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Distraction? GONNA KICK YO BUTT!

This facebook addiction is ridiculous. And whenever I'm compelled to check facebook (you know, about every fifteen and a half seconds), I have to check Twitter and my blog feed. Just in case. Sort of like when I check a locked door or oven fifty times because I can't remember if I really turned that key or knob. Except with facebook, there's no excuse. Just that same compulsion.

So, along with quitting smoking I'm going to quit my Facebook, blog (not blogging, just checking the feed), and Twitter addiction. Not that it's like smoking, but it'll still be hard. I'm going to limit myself to twice a day: once in the morning when I wake up and once in the evening before I got to sleep. Fifteen minutes each time. Which means I need to replace my homepage tabs with other things. Maybe CNN? Maybe eliminate home page tabs altogether so I stop getting so distracted on the internet? I'm not sure.

If I'm good and follow my plan (which includes weekends), I'll get a star. I still haven't made that star chart, but I'm totally going to. Maybe today. I'm excited.

Humanity

The sun shines down,
and its image reflects a thousand
different pots filled with water.

The reflections are many,
but they are each reflecting the same sun.

Similarly, when we come to know who we truly are,
we will see ourselves in all people.

-amma

I found this on the website World Prayers, which my friend Kelly shared with me. I have a feeling I'll be posting much of what I find on their pages.

(--<)

I've realized that by the end of the week, because that's what we've decided Friday to be, all I desire is company. Not just any company. Very specific company.

Silence.
My thoughts.
Words on a page, digital or paper.
Feelings of peace.
Feelings of space.
My record player, spinning away my stress.

I get claustrophobic. People talking to me. Touching me. Loud colors and laughter. I can't breath. The rest of the week is a dream, emotions running wild without my ability to reason or even recognize the beauty and absurdities of each day. Just the presence of another person, just a tad too often, and my head is full of cotton. Forget happy place, take me to the peace place.

I understand why Buddha was the awakened one. Each moment we are at different levels of wakefulness. For me, I require Fridays and the company of solace to wake from my week. Maybe I'll never fully awaken from life like Buddha, nor view it as it truly exists without it's dreamlike qualities muddling perception.

That's quite alright. Friday loveliness steeped with lychee black tea is good enough for me. For now.

Words and phrases in Na'vi

oél ngáti kámeie "I See you." (Similar to Namaste. It means seeing into the person, their soul/essence/true self, and understanding/connecting.)

Eywa ngáhu "Gaia be with you" Their mother earth is the energy that is existence, along with recognition and response to that connection of energy.

káme "to See"

Kìyevame ulte Eywa ngahu. "See you again, and may Eywa be with you."

’Awve ultxari ohengeyä, Nawma Sa’nok lrrtok siveiyi. "May the Great Mother smile upon our first meeting (yeah!)."

Now, besides American Sign Language, I really want to learn the language of the Na'vi. I'm not sure what the actual language is called. According to an interview, it's the only language on Pandora but has varying dialects. This film is bringing out my inner nerd like Star Wars never did. <3

"Let's pretend to be grown up, aware, adventurous."

Their laughter reflects awareness of an audience. Do they play the full-house to each other, or do we (sitting behind, invisible, preoccupied, silent)?