Beautifully dreadful

I'm super excited.

So my hair has been driving me crazy lately. Tyler used to give me fun new haircuts pretty much each month during first semester, but he graduated. I haven't had a real haircut since November (I think). So naturally my hair is going all bonkers, which makes me go bonkers. I've been meaning to find a friend with clippers (I feel like going to a salon for such short hair is a waste). People have asked me if I'm going to grow it out, and I always respond that I would probably only grow it out to dread it.

When my friend Andrew dreaded his hair recently, the absolute beauty of it made me started me thinking. When I was in highschool, I wished that one day I could have a fauxhawk and dreads. I say wished because I didn't think I could ever muster enough bravery to actually do it. Whenever I talked about drastically changing my hair back then, I had intense negative reaction from friends and people I was dating. I daydreamed about running away to island or somewhere else where I wasn't around people, then I could have my hair the way I wanted it to be without worry of being found ugly.

A lot of time has passed since then, along with a lot of changes on how I view the world and self. If some people find certain things ugly, that's okay.What is important is how I feel about myself. Sure, I'm affected by how others view me. I'm human. But that's not what I intentionally focus my thoughts on, instead I try to remember that beauty is subjective. When I remember that, I feel more free and empowered to find my own definitions of beauty.

And I find dreadlocks absolutely beautiful. I've always been intrigued, but recently I've been so grateful for the ease of short hair that I haven't thought of much else. I remember dreading my friend Tim's hair, and it took forever. Beyond the lengthy initial process, I had no idea what went into dread maintenance (besides yes, dreads are clean and washed frequently). After some (okay, more than some. I'm a link clicker) investigation, I've discovered that once dreads mature they are virtually maintenance free. There are some small things to do (besides washing them), but not more than short hair takes. It's just the initial time that takes a bunchload of work. 

Okay, so my biggest worry was eliminated. Then I came across a suggestion that you really need to know why you want to get dreads. Apperantly, you'll be asked reasons for your hairstyle all the time. Plus, the initial work will make you question if it's worth it. Why would I want dreads? I know I think they're beautiful, and now I know I wouldn't have to worry about doing anything with my hair. But is that enough? On one Web site, they talked about how dreads are a journey and a process. This makes it really good to begin another journey or lifestyle change, and they gave an example of quitting smoking.

Thoughts kept coming. On Sunday, it will have been six weeks since I last had a cigarette. It's still a difficult journey. Pretty much every day I think about it. Some days are much worse than others. I'm always looking for incentives to keep me going.

Enter (well, I guess the topic didn't go anywhere): the dreads. What if I used dreads to help me with my process of quitting? I'm all about symbols and representations of ideas, philosophies and journeys to hep me out. Using the outward, visible representation of the formation of dreads (because it takes about a year to reach full maturation of dreads), learning patience, would help me a lot with smoking. It would be both an incentive, and representation of how long and far I've come.

I'm having a hard to articulating my thoughts. But they're there, swimming around like tiny glowfish. If I continue growing my hair, in a few months it should be long enough to begin dreading. And I'm very, very excited.