08 November 2009

Tell me, what are you afraid of?

For years I've had a very...strong aversion to wrists (the inner part). I hate even typing the word. It wasn't until last year in Intro to Psych that I realized it was an actual phobia--I just thought I was a bit off (although I suppose that means I am). I completely freak out if anyone touches mine (although I've gotten a lot better at controlling my reaction). I don't touch other people's. I don't look at them. I can't handle references (visible, audible) to them.

People always ask for explanations if they notice (and so I try very hard not to let them). How can I give an explanation when just thinking of the topic--the word--causes me too hyperventilate, clutch the vulnerable bits safely against my body and throw me in a wave of silly anxiety? If people keep trying to explore the topic after I've firmly (or a bit crazily) said that I most certainly don't want to talk about it, sometimes I even cry. STUPID.

I always thought I was the only one. I mean, who else could possibly have such a random, ridiculous phobia?

Apparently, a whole horde of people. I could barely get through their stories--it was as though they crawled into my mind and emotions, spitting out everything for the world to see.

As far as I could gather from internet sources, the phobia name is carpophobia (sometimes spelled karpophobia).

I hear there's a shrink on campus. I sort of want to see if she has any experience dealing with phobias. On the other hand, dealing with it means thinking about it--and thinking about it means the reaction I'm having right now (if only you could see me).

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
Michael Pritchard


"What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
Wordsworth

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