Awww, I love this:

It is marvellous to wake up together
by Elizabeth Bishop, a lesbian poet.

It is marvellous to wake up together
At the same minute; marvellous to hear
The rain begin suddenly all over the roof,
To feel the air suddenly clear
As if electricity had passed through it
From a black mesh of wires in the sky.
All over the roof the rain hisses,
And below, the light falling of kisses.
An electrical storm is coming or moving away;
It is the prickling air that wakes us up.
If lightning struck the house now, it would run
From the four blue china balls on top
Down the roof and down the rods all around us,
And we imagine dreamily
How the whole house caught in a bird-cage of lightning
Would be quite delightful rather than frightening;
And from the same simplified point of view
Of night and lying flat on one's back
All things might change equally easily,
Since always to warn us there must be these black
Electrical wires dangling. Without surprise
The world might change to something quite different,
As the air changes or the lightning comes without our blinking,
Change as the kisses are changing without our thinking.

Sometimes I wish had the courage, or perhaps just filthy soul, to lie. Especially if it fixed relationships with paint. Gorrilla glue is always so much more obvious, and you can see the cracks. You can't look away from the cracks. You fall between the cracks.

Reading

http://prop8trialtracker.com

"The Prop 8 Trial Tracker is a project of the Courage Campaign Institute. Throughout the Perry v Schwarzenegger trial we will be documenting and responding to the right-wing."

She's not coming back next year. I don't know how to deal with this information. I guess tonight was the last straw (although we both understood, she was still unsettled by Union's misconceptions and stance I suppose). How did I let myself become this attached? I wish I hadn't quit smoking. She wishes Union was more gay friendly. I wish I was somewhere far away, where my throat didn't feel so sore--a giant pebble lodged without hint of relief. I don't want to fall for her anymore. I want my eyes to stop getting red, and I convince them that it's not yet time to crack, break and leak out salty twin streams.

From the Human Rights Campagin:

Great news today: marriage equality has just passed in Washington, D.C.!

It's a huge victory, and you should be proud – your support allowed us to invest tremendous staff time and resources into this fight. We did it, and I can't thank you enough.

But before we celebrate, I need your help. You may have heard that in a blatantly political move to prevent this vote the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington last month threatened to cut their social service programs if the bill passed.

I'm not making this up. They'd cut homeless shelters, food programs for needy families, and health services rather than provide equal benefits for employees in same-sex marriages. And now that the bill has passed, we need to make sure they don't follow through on their threat.

Tell Archbishop Wuerl not to play politics with the less fortunate – ask him to continue Catholic Charities' city-supported social services.

The Archbishop issued a very public threat last month designed to scare city officials into backing off their commitment to marriage equality.

Thankfully, heroic D.C. Council members in Washington didn't cave under pressure. They spoke numerous times with church officials in an effort to reach common ground, while moving forward with the legislation. But unfortunately, Archbishop Wuerl has refused to alter his official position.

The D.C. Council has stood up for fairness and equality. Now they need our help to make sure the neediest citizens of the city aren't forced to pay an unfair and cruel price.

Please ask the Archbishop not to use marriage equality as an excuse to hurt thousands of homeless and needy people in Washington, D.C.

Today's victory means a great deal, coming after marriage equality losses in New York and Maine. The bill now goes to the Mayor Adrian Fenty, who has promised to sign it. The U.S. Congress then has 30 days to review the legislation. After that window passes, the bill becomes law!

We will keep you updated as the bill progresses – and we will have to be vigilant even after the bill becomes law because the U.S. Congress can choose to intervene and overturn the law at any time – a loophole the radical right is bound to try to exploit.

For now, I thank you for standing strong – not only for marriage equality, but for all the citizens of Washington, D.C. during the holiday season.

meaningless.

Your eyes are white
Round drops of snow
Like I drop her name
In casual conversation
Because I hate the way you
Ask
“Are you going to banquet?”
As if it means
“Do you have a boyfriend?
And I wonder if the whiteness
Is really blindness
(no, my facebook relationship status is not a joke mr.—fill in the blank—)
But then he asks
And I tell
And the vice president of student services
(don’t I pay your bills?)
Wants me to know that
She knows gasp
That I’m gay
so I pull out my
anger
backtalk
piece
peace
nod and say
“Yes, ma-am—-we won't act like a couple in public.
No, we won't sit too close.
Of course sex should be kept for marriage”
But I wonder if she realizes that’ll take a move to Iowa
And well
Union College
Isn’t in Iowa.
And I bet
Even in Iowa
the whites of their eyes
Would still be showing.

Linkage.

Haha, this facebook group (parody) is awesome. It reminds me of Questions for Heterosexuals.

So silly: the whole idea that someone can hate true (aka non-destructive, reciprocated) love, in the name of Love (G-d is Love, no?). Seems a bit contradictory to me--then again so does my decision to remain at Union College.

On another note, this website still manages to rock my world.

"I have learned kindess from the unkind"

I've learned that the truth spoken does not always mean honesty.

I've learned that the person said to be the most jealous can be the one with the most decency.

I've learned "we talked" does not always mean "communicate with words."

I've learned allowing myself to like someone when warning flags flare is still a bad idea.

I've learned bathroom stalls paint pictures like heartbruises.

I've learned it doesn't really matter.

Last night, I walked in on the girl I was seeing screwing around with someone else in the bathroom--after a week (and night) of convincing me she "likes me way more than her." Way to go miss "Oh yeah, I'm definitely a one-girl kind of girl." You should have been named Gabby Deveoux.

On a positive note, the person she was messing around with (who supposedly disliked me) came to talk to me, apologized, etc. Major (to use a sexist term for lack of a better one) balls. Have to say I respect her more than the girl I actually liked/trusted.

Now that it's morning and I've gotten sleep, I'm not distraught about it...well, as distraught anyway.

Paint me a picture with hollowed out bones
dripping with blue, mimicking tears left
untouched in my eyes.
Ask me what I love about you,
ask me.
I can hear only the silence
whispering like muffled kisses.
Zip.
I wonder why Silence has pants
and what she's doing with legs
twisted 'round yours
in a lonesome bathroom stall.
Lies can put on such a prettier smile,
too bad you broke the mirage in my eyes.
Too bad you left your lips in another girl's pocket.

fuck women.

Surprises

I met someone... AT UNION COLLEGE. Yeah, I didn't expect it either. We had briefly met the beginning of the year, but a mutual friend did us a huge favor and coordinated a re-introduction. I'm all giddy, because...well a) she's awesome and b) she goes to Union.

Enter, my hesitation (stage left).

Are we attracted to each other simply because of the setting (aka, nobody else at Union we could be interested in)? If we met randomly downtown, would we still be as interested? Even if we would not have naturally gravitated towards each other elsewhere, is that necessarily bad? Does this mean a potentially successful relationship is doomed?

I'm not sure, but I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually. I need stop over thinking this (and life in general) and just say que se ra, se ra--whatever will be, will be.

Despite my mild confusion and questions, I got sidetracked during Rhetoric class with thoughts of her.

Lips. Smile.
Flashes of identical white stones
polished to a sterling gleam
Do you clean them with purity
found in an open mind?
I never saw vices that looked
so much like virtues
as we sit on the box
our souls used to sleep in.
My fingers are pieces of tangled rope
drawing conclusions from the tilt
of your head.
What does it mean to be
the only apples on a tree?
The names and offenses screamed
by whispering leaves
leave bruises on our skin.
We find shelter in the unlikeliest of places
watching smoke drift like
possibilities through
our parted lips.

I was twenty (and I don't even know you)

Nineteen
by Tegan and Sara

I felt you in my legs
Before I even met you
And when I layed beside you
For the first time
I told you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(call me)
I felt you in my life
Before I ever thought to
Felt the need to lay down
Beside you
And tell you I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
And now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)
Flew home,
Back to where we met
Stayed inside I was so upset
I cooked up a plan,
So good except
I was all alone
You were all I had
Love you
You were all mine
Love me
I was yours right
I was yours right
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)

"Edie, are you gay?" ... "Am I gay? I'm ECSTATIC!"

It's been a bit since I've blogged last. 139 days, 22 hours and 6 minutes to be exact (aka, all summer plus some). Instead, it feels like a lifetime has gone by since I first "chopped off" my hair. I'm tempted to write about everything this summer entailed, but a) that would take too long and b) it may be prudent to turn my blog to private. I don't feel like doing that latter yet (although maybe sometime I will).

I'm tired of living like the world is made of fine china; tiptoeing around potentially revealing information and spinning away from awkward conversation. This summer I experienced freedom, inspiration and growth (emotional, mental, spiritual--unfortunately never vertical).

I thought that being "out" on facebook/myspace would make some sort of difference when I got to Union. Although my summer friends all knew that I'm queer, I worried about what would happen when my friends/acquaintances at Union College found out. Would I lose friends? Would people talk about me behind my back? Would I get in trouble with the deans?

I needn't have worried. Nobody pays attention to the info page on Facebook, except I guess during stalk-age mode. At first I thought some of my friends had noticed and just weren't saying anything. But then when I'd explain that I met someone over the summer, they kept asking what "his" name is. Fail.

You'd think I'd be happy no one is stalking me and no one noticed the "Interested in women" change on FB. But I'm not.

I was glad my family found out, and I came out to my friends for a reason. It's awful skirting around topics, always fearful someone will find out the "big secret." I thought people would notice that I'm queer, then decide whether or not they still want to talk to me. I'd just be left with true friends. Easy peasy, lemon-squeezy.

Now I can't tell them face-to-face, because that'd just be awkward as I don't know how these conservative students would react. They'd be more likely to freak out and then just pretend to still be friends with me. I'm not into playing pretend.

So I'm still dancing on china, tripping over my own feet. Yeah, I'll go with the cliche and ask "when will this song end?"

How can I incite positive conversation, or come out in a non-scary, non-threatening way?

Chop, chop, chop

It's so funny how society automatically links (non/conforming to) gender roles with sexual orientation. The three (gender role, gender identity, sexual orientation) are all completely different and unique entities--they do not correlate.

I cut my hair on Saturday, and now sport a fauxhawk/betty boop head (depending on styling). Within 24 hours, I had a girl ask for my number and a friend ask "Hannah, do you like girls or boys more?"

It made me laugh. A lot.
Okay, I'm still sort of chuckling.